Why So Many Couples Resent Each Other After Kids (And How to Fix It) | Jancee Dunn
What really happens to a marriage after kids arrive?
In this episode of Family Dialogues, Dr. Taniesha Burke sits down with New York Times bestselling author and journalist Jancee Dunn to talk candidly about resentment, emotional labor, and rebuilding a partnership after children. Drawing from her book, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, Jancee shares deeply relatable stories, research-backed insights, and practical tools to help couples move from simmering frustration back to teamwork, respect, and connection.
Together, they explore how unequal mental load, maternal gatekeeping, poor communication, and unspoken expectations quietly erode relationships and what actually helps couples repair after the early parenting years. From FBI conflict-resolution techniques to chore redistribution systems, this conversation offers realistic strategies for overwhelmed parents who still want their relationship to thrive.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why resentment often builds between partners after having children
- How emotional labor and the mental load disproportionately affect mothers
- The impact of micromanaging and “maternal gatekeeping” on fathers
- Why children absorb parental conflict more than we realize
- Practical communication scripts that reduce defensiveness and shutdown
- FBI-backed techniques for de-escalating conflict during heated moments
- How clarifying roles and household systems can reduce resentment
- What gives hope to couples struggling in the early parenting years
This episode is a must-listen for parents navigating marriage after kids, co-parenting stress, emotional burnout, and relationship repair.
Recommended Books & Experts/Strategies
- How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids - Jancee Dunn
- FBI Behavioral Change Stairway Model
- Terry Real (Relational Life Therapy)
